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Baby Blues
Tears aren’t always sad
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When I was in therapy for depression, my therapist would call me “tearful” when I cried. I like this expression because it’s physiological: crying doesn’t always mean sad.
Lately, I cry a lot, and that’s normal. “Baby blues” is the result of massive chemical and hormonal changes that happen in both mother and baby in the first two weeks or so. He’s got baby zits on his cheeks. If he were a girl, he might get a tiny period before my adult hormones cleared out.
For me, it’s essentially a massive dose of hormonal birth control, all while learning to be a parent, feeding baby from the nutrients of my body, and sleeping only in short bursts.
You’d expect some mood swings. But it’s also a total waste of electrolytes, crying over everything.
The part I’m struggling with is not the thing itself but my impatience with it. My stitches are healing, but I want to go for longer walks. Breastfeeding is going well, but I want to have a stash in the fridge rather than just keeping up.
I’ve never been good at giving myself grace.
I have a hard time resting when the baby sleeps, while my dishes sit dirty in the sink. It’s an instinct that generally serves me well: a kindness my future self…
