Capable Giant
I'm about six months pregnant and am now, by my estimate, enormous. I'm surprised to still find it so dysmorphic: on days when I wake up feeling strong, I expect to see my regular body in the mirror. Instead, there is a giant.
The belly protrudes, round. Behind my newly saggy breasts, I can still see my ribs, but my hips seem wider. My thighs rub together.
Now that my joints are supporting my body most of the time, I often forget the changes. It's weird when I can't slip sideways through a narrow space.
Probably the most frightening thing about pregnancy is the amount of unknown: how will the next months feel? What injuries will I incur during labor? Will I ever, oh please, go back down to a bra size that's reasonable for exercise?
As a traveler, I am fascinated by the unknown. When I can cast this journey with the perspective of adventure, I'm well suited—though a lot of new skills are required. Instead of relying on quick research and physical grit to get out of a scrape, there's a lot of time spent assessing whether a new sensation is a problem, and if so, how to address it.
My abs, for example, are trying to split, and it hurts. I know diastasis recti is common (it happens in about 60 percent of pregnancies), but I don't want it. It's the main reason you're not supposed to do sit ups or lift heavy weights. You can do careful side-on core exercises to prevent and address it, but most of that is more effective postpartum.
At the moment, it's between me and the way I want to live my life: hiking, carrying things, being generally able. I don't know how much it can be mitigated, but I'm more willing to work hard and rest more than I am to give up capability. I stretch a piece of kinesio tape across my abs, just above the belly button. Like magic, the pain stops. I'll ask my physical therapist what she thinks.
In the meanwhile, I climb Welsh mountains and swim in waterfall pools. Overall, I'm feeling much better: more myself, more capable than at any other point since February. Over the course of the ten-day trip to Wales, I go from painfully waddling behind my parents, to keeping or beating their pace.
I am diligent with my physical therapy: band around my knees and hip bridges every morning. Balancing on one leg while lifting the other straight behind me. Pulling a band looped around an Airbnb’s banister. Once the joint is in alignment, exercise strengthens it. Hiking has flipped from injurious to helpful.
Pregnancy is wild ride because it's fast. My growth is visible over the course of a few days. Exercise seems to help overall: basically, I'm growing a weight vest. The plan is to have very strong legs—and everything else. If I don't keep up with training for the overload, that's where the joint issues resurface.
Meanwhile, the fetus in my belly resembles nothing so much as a landed fish. It goes still for long periods, then goes into spasms of thrashing motions. Last night, beneath a palm pressed against my belly skin, I think I felt the head and shoulder slip by while it flipped position. It kicks hard enough that I can feel it even while I hike. But it kicks most when I am lying on my back. It's active in the early morning, and in the afternoon if I rest.
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