Vessel

"Pregnancy is bullshit," I mutter, carefully lowering myself into a chair at the party I'm hosting.

What I mean is, there's always something. I feel I should have been better prepared, but also that I couldn't have been. And while there is a righteous instinct that rebels against medical systems that prioritize the health of the fetus instead of giving choices to the mother, my own body does this too.

My immune system is suppressed. Baby takes the nutrients it needs directly from my innards and leaves me the leftovers. And now, the physical structures of my body are shifting to accommodate the still-distant labor and delivery.

Imagine you've just spent a couple of months so fatigued it makes you nauseous at all times. You are undernourished and sometimes your helpful body receives hard-won calories by throwing them back.

When this finally ends, your body starts to gain weight rapidly, more than ever before, but instead of the weight gain distributing across your body, it front-loads you while also internally compressing your diaphragm. Breathing is tight. Your biomechanics, always important, are now critical to supporting this additional load.

But at the same time as you need to support extra weight, your body releases relaxin that loosens your joint structures. Those big long muscles that used to strap in the front of your…